Dun get me wrong abt why am I still writing abt such stuff. For me towards her I guess it's just left with indifference.... I really wouldn't have mentioned it if I didn't explained why I'm having this whirlpool of thoughts. I was actually thinking abt whether I should go over to the other side of the train to strike a convo with my classmate. Let's jus say she's someone I would to know more about. See the irony in fate here hahaaa

Well I think I have digress quite a fair bit as to what I really wanted to talk abt which is just really the whirlpool of thoughts. Having lived my life for so many years (I sounded like a sage here). A lot of times whenever I made any decision, my mind works something like a default program setting. Basically I would run through the scenario countless times abt what will be the eventual outcomes if I were to make certain choices. It's good to err on the side of caution people say. All the more important if the decisions you made have far reaching consequences. Or it's just simply a matter of thinking too much. It's true, I always tend to think and overthink too much that by the time I decided to make an action, the opportunity would have simply just gone. Just like what happens to case of deciding whether to strike a convo with my classmate. Due to awkwardness blah blah blah. Inaction; an unintended consequence of overthinking is often what happens eventually to me. Often I will just brush it off, attributing it to fate or that if its meant to be, it's meant to be. I was playing it too safe in love, in work and perhaps most if not all my decisions in life. And if you didn't realise, constantly having this whirlpool of thoughts in your head is actually mentally draining. People on the outside might think that in a normal meetup setting I seem overly quietly (I hope I dun give people the impression that I'm detached. That would be bad hahaa). But really the real reason I'm like that is due to the noises that's happening in my mind (I'm not delusional haha). Stop the noises in my mind

Sounds ironic, by playing it too safe I might have unknowingly missed out on many opportunities in life. Sometimes all I have to do is to have a little more faith in myself. Perhaps that will make me have a better ownership of my life :) 

Work...... had quite a crappy day at work today. Many a times I was asking myself why and what am I doing what I'm doing. Working in the same company, in the same job for close to 4 years already. Was my wish to change to a different project for personal growth; because I felt that I had learned enough or is it simply I just had enough of the nonsense that I'm facing. No matter how much effort you have put in, you are always put down to the point that you just feel damn demoralised. Maybe......... Am I staying on simply because I was just too lazy to look for another one and I'm getting really comfortable with what I'm doing. These thoughts had been on my mind recently and as a result I have been feeling pretty restless at work.

Finally took a walk around my secondary school today (being wanting to that since a very long time ago). Time passes by so fast but nothing seems to have changed for the school. Perhaps its a weird sense of nostalgia of the past when things were so much more simpler back then, really felt much calmer after that.

Tml is another day of work. Hope that the dark clouds the clouded me would have disperse and what comes after that is sunshine. (not in a literal sense of course)