How do I even start writing this topic? Perhaps it aptly describes how a person matures through his/her experience over time.... 'Lost in thoughts'. It's abt the realization that people come and go in your life and that's fine. They could be that someone that made such a huge impact on you during that some episode in life. But at the end of the day, they dun really go. Perhaps physically, but their impact stays with u and grows with you through life. It guides your present day decisions and perhaps alter your future. 

I dun consider myself a mature person but to the people that were once part of my life, whether was it a happy, sad, angry or frustrating episode, I thank you for the impact. I hope that I dun see all of them negatively and only in the good light 

Crap.... I hate growing up :(......

Here now in Curious Pallete and would love to be blogging at a quieter spot haha.

Just had this random thought in mind to want to take stock of me as a person in terms of strengths and  weaknesses and how potentially I would like to become a better person. Sounds pretty weird as to be wanting to 'document' all these down. I must have been too free these days :(

Strengths

1) Focused

If I'm able to focus my own task at hand and get into a state of what I called 'in the zone' my productivity increases by quite a fair bit. Basically, I would be so absorbed in what I'm doing that I begin to lose spatial awareness (what's going on in my surroundings) and time seems to have stop. It's not some scifi shit I'm talking about and I do get into these state fairly often and do think its quite cool haha.

2) Persistent

Once I set my task on doing something, no matter the obstacle I would just keep on moving ahead. Whether is it the decision to study Aerospace engineering, taking the plunge to take out dance as such an 'old age', learning korean; I have really stood by them although it normally takes me a long time before i decide on doing something (indecisiveness, which i will talk about later). Rarely do I ever give up on things that I have set my sights on.

Honestly saying, I'm not very sure whether I would like to define this as a good or a bad trait. There have been more than a few case where what I termed 'misguided' persistence have resulted in more pain than good for me. I tend to get too sentimental in stuff(consequence of persistency) that I take a long time to let go of certain toxic stuff in life.

3) Planner

I think its part an parcel of being an engineer and whats more, a flight test engineer. You plan and plan and plan, till you become somewhat too obsessive and you overplan. This works well for me since I hate to be caught off guard in scenarios that I did not envisioned for. I don't feel comfortable without a plan in mind and yea I think I plan pretty much most of the stuff in most of my travel trips with friends. This is just my personal opinion, I do think professions such as teachers and auditors make good planners too

Note: I wouldn't want to classify being hardworking as a trait since its simply a product of the above traits that I have mentioned. And yea Im still pondering about the topic about working hard and working smart.

4) Listener

I not sure whether I have been doing this well recently, but this is something that my best friend told me about years back when things were much more simpler I guess (I might be overthinking about this again haha). 

Weakness

1) Communication

I do have a serious issue with this thus far in my life. It takes me a long time to get warm up to people. I always tend to be the more silent guy during a group meet up. Maybe because I'm never like to engage in those kind of small talk but rather engage in deep conversations. To me, cultivating a small knitted group of friends is more worthwhile compared to having to maintain skin deep level friendships with a large group of friends. My best friend keeps telling me I'm way better than what I was when he first met me. I vividly recall he was everly so critical of me. Well its really still a work in progress.

I'm not sure why, but at least the saving grace for me is I realise that I could better process my thoughts into words. Probably thats why I'm so into reading. 

2) Overthinking

I procrastinate a lot in life which can often be construed as indecisiveness, but the issue is that I sometimes over think too much. I would like to think that the time is spent on analysing a certain issue from different perspectives. Well this actually can be kindda tiring.

3) Short temper 

Only those who know me well enough will realise that I do have a short temper underneath that 'schoolboy' like appearance. (shameless me haha)

In a way it came about due to not being able to communicate well with others. I have recently come to the enlightenment that people generally get angry because their views are not heard or understood properly. It could also be that people are trying to enforce their views onto you which one does not accept. As such my frustration in work slowly buildup due to not being able to communicate

But one thing is for sure, there is a need that divergent viewpoints are recognised. 

4) Low self esteem

I used to blame it entirely on my humble upbringing that result in me having this issue. (sometimes I still do, I'm just a human and during my schooling days I was always consumed because of it). I recognised that it all boils down to mentality. Its not helping that I'm never the optimistic guy. However if you start thinking that you are bad then the battle is already half lost.

Conclusion

Recently, I realised that I still have a long way to go in terms of becoming a more mature person. Whether is it understanding an issue in deeper depth and length, accepting that not everybody feels the same and divergent viewpoints must be recognised (take note that it does necessarily mean accepted), how not to let anger get the better of me. The one that is able to his calm and cool composure wins. Well and of course accept that being able to connect with people via active communication is important.

"人生 真的好難啊"

看完這部電影的第一反應是 "啊?就醬?"

覺得故事很普通, 不知道高潮在哪裡?

We are faced with never ending distractions in life. Especially in a fast paced society such as ours in Singapore, whether we are talking abt studies, careers, cars, houses and even getting married. There's always this unknowingly drive within one to become better, lest you will be deemed to be unsuccessful. The rat race, the term that's commonly coined to describe the endless pointless pursuit of things in life aptly says it all. We find ourselves always comparing against others that are 'deemed' more successful in life. For one, I'm guilty of it too. As such we seek to emulate them with the goal of eventually becoming like them. However once we reach to that goal, we become restless and then seek to find another 'role model' to emulate and it goes on and on...... 

My point is everybody has different yardsticks in measuring what it means to be successful or unsuccessful in life. My parents goal's was to ensure that my siblings and I have a roof over our heads and that we are able to complete our education. For me its something more than that. I don't presume to know whether I know where lies my life goals. That's why i often feel frustrated in a lot of things in life and that I have the unhealthy habit of comparing myself with others. And you know how it goes from, a never ending cycle of pursuit of what I always wonder..... Often at times after a day's long work when I'm lying on the bed, to what ends am i doing all what I'm doing for.

I'm still working on it, what it means to achieve it. More internalization and better grounded; being able to filter out the distractions that's omnipresent. 

Rather than a life of pursuing, I would like to pursue life